I'm tired of homemaker culture on Instagram

Homemaking will look different for every woman, and that’s okay. Excellence is found not in perfection, but in pursuing Christ in your home, your family, and your calling.

Can I be 100% honest about something?

The word “homemaker” has been annoying me recently, and here’s why. Homemaking culture on social media has become an aesthetic that many women are trying to achieve. It has been conflated with homesteading, farming, and dressing like you’re from a different era. It has made some women prideful, thinking they are better than others simply because they make everything from scratch and don’t work outside the home. Others believe they must be silent in their marriages—never voicing opinions, concerns, or needs—in order to be submissive (a biblical concept that I believe in). Still others envy a life they don’t currently live or can’t afford. And some have fallen into the trap of thinking that becoming a cookie-cutter caricature of a person is what makes them godly.

I’m tired of it altogether, and I don’t want to be associated with that mindset.

Here are a few things I’ve grown in over the last couple of years:

Working:

I don’t think it’s wrong for a woman to work and help provide income for her family. Whether or not you work should not be dictated by an influencer who says it’s sinful for women to do so. Work is good, and it doesn’t have to mean being gone 10 hours a day. If you and your husband agree that working makes sense for a season, so be it. Ideally, it’s wonderful if you can work from home or in a way that doesn’t hinder your role as a wife and mother—but that isn’t always possible. Sometimes two incomes are a blessing for certain seasons, and that’s okay.

The real questions are:

• What matters most to my family right now?

• Is my work hindering my role as a wife and/or mother?

• Am I harming my children by working?

…all good questions to ask yourself and your husband.

Education:

I believe that education is never wasted. It doesn’t have to be through college, but if you choose that route, your knowledge can still benefit your home and family (just avoid debt as much as possible). Education can equip you to homeschool, support your husband’s career, or even provide high-paying work-from-home opportunities. Educating yourself does not make you a feminist, man-hating woman. And you can still be feminine and highly educated.

Cleaning:

Managing a home well includes delegating. Some seasons may require you to take on more, and other seasons may require you to ask for help. Routines and communication are key. You do not get holy points by burdening yourself with taking care of every single thing in your home to the point that it drives you to extreme exhaustion or resentment. Yes, working hard and being busy in your home is a good thing, but don’t neglect your well-being!

Cooking:

Cooking from scratch is wonderful, but it’s not the only way to be a good wife or mother. God has allowed us to live in a time where quality prepared foods exist. Hard pregnancies, busy seasons, or health challenges may require flexibility—and that’s okay. Feeding your family well matters more than perfection or trying to keep up with a status quo that you must make everything yourself to be a good wife or mother. I don’t think that homemaking accounts are actually saying this, but sometimes things are implied that might make you feel a type of way. Don’t give into that temptation and just do the best that you can with the time and energy that you have.