A Guide to Politely Declining Halloween Invites
On celebrating Halloween, a honey & apple challah bread recipe, and a prayer
By Contessa Larsen, The Etiquette District
Autumn is a wistful time of year. Leaf peeping, pumpkin everything, and chunky knits are much desired after hot sweaty summer days that seem to encroach into the ‘Ber’ months a bit too much. The cooler seasons also illicit such a nostalgic time of year.
The crisp, cool air draws in memories of our younger years playing in heaps of leaves, enjoying far too much cider, and riding bikes through the early nights with friends. And if you are like me, when you were a child you spent much time anticipating Halloween and all the festiveness that came with it. Whether it was bobbing for apples at a party, or coming up with the perfect costume for the big day, Halloween takes up a large portion of my autumn memories as a child. Childhood, as carefree as it was, is no longer reality. What is reality now is joyfully living a life for Christ and raising my children to do the same. With this new, beautiful reality comes the omission of things my husband and I believe displeases God such as places, events, people, and even holidays.
Halloween in the United States by tradition is a holiday to appease evil spirits because it was believed those very spirits could come back to life to harm people and their crops. The Catholic church ties religious practices to the holiday, celebrating as the beginning of their three day triduum where they use October 31 to remember their dead prior to their celebration of All Saints Day.
While running around in fun costumes is an entertaining practice on just about any other day of the year, our family makes a point to not take part in Halloween as the celebration of spirits, beloved or otherwise, simply doesn’t seem fit what God calls us to. God does not call us to celebrate death, but life: Psalm 118:24 “This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” It is also written in Philippians 4:8 “..whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think of such things.” The celebration of death, the fear of the dead, and the exaltation of saints just does not fit into a Christ followers festive agenda.
Instead, we pull from scripture other ways to appreciate the season.
A few years ago I began to truly wonder what the holidays we celebrated in our youth were about and why we celebrated them. I quickly learned that instead of the pagan or secular holidays my husband and I were brought up on, we could and should be recognizing the ones that are biblically accurate
Autumn has become this celebratory, reverent, reflective, and repentant season for us now. This year, October 3 Rosh Hashanah, or The Feast of Trumpets, began our ten days of repentance that culminated on October 12, Yom Kippur, or the Day of Atonement. During this time our family ate our weight in challah, honey and apples, and heard our fair share of shofar blasts. These days, the Days of Awe, are meant to be spent doing a few things: fasting, spending time with loved ones and other followers of Christ serving His community, and reflective repenting. The children had a lot of fun! They crafted shofars from toilet paper rolls and just about any other crafty thing you can think of. We baked bread, and spent time with others playing and being so grateful for our lives together.
October 16-23 marks Sukkot, or The Feast of Tabernacles, where we remember God’s provisions and his unbending love for the Israelites while they were in the wilderness. We celebrate by popping a tent outside and eating, and possibly sleeping, inside it. This is a joyous time that the children really get excited about as it feels like a special camping trip-in our backyard. For our children, the emphasis is on Christ and His love for us as well as community and joy. And lots of treats, as per my children’s only request.
The New Testament does not call us to have to celebrate these holy days, but we do as it allows us to feel closer to Christ and His call for us to remember Him. Luke 9:23 “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” Having a new found lease on autumn celebratory events is all well and good, until your friends start looking at you as though you’ve begun speaking a strange new language. It is true, even many Christians happily will celebrate secular or pagan holidays.
So how do you kindly opt out of celebrating Halloween without alienating yourself or making your friends and loved ones feel like you are distancing yourself from them?
The best way I have learned to do this is to follow these simple tips:
To ensure your loved ones do not feel left out of your life, invite them to everything. Keep in mind they may give these new events a pass considering they are so foreign to them and that is okay. The goal isn’t to force them to join, but rather include them by extending an invitation.
Do not draw attention to how bad Halloween is, but rather how good the holy days are. We do this to be sure we aren’t quarreling with other believers, but instead allowing grace to take up space between us. Speak to your loved ones about why you celebrate these holy days and all the good that comes from it.
Incorporate sweets. My children had one major concern with not celebrating Halloween. Would they now be without sweets? The holy days are all about the sweetness of God so have fun incorporating sweets like honey and tart apple pastries and apple stuffed challah into your days.
Always approach your friends respectfully. Avoid talking down to them or belittling the season of learning they are in because you feel more knowledgeable than them. It is not a good look to put people down or be haughty or boastful.
The simplest thing you can do is to kindly let them know you will not be celebrating and offer up an alternative that does not compromise your beliefs, but is festive as well.
The goal when approaching your loved ones in regards to your differences in beliefs is to give grace while also keeping your boundaries firm. There is no way to spin celebrating the dead as a way to glorify Christ as He is the one that is to be celebrated. The ability to be able to create beautiful memories with our children paired with honoring Christ is enough for us to truly have no issues omitting a secular or pagan holiday like Halloween from our autumn schedules. What makes the decision even sweeter is when we are able to share our new holy days with loved ones and show them love and grace if they choose not to partake.
Honey & Apple Challah Bread
A sweet reminder of God’s goodness and provision this season.
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